I’ve been running brokenfunction.com for four years now. Time flies.

My first computer

May 14th, 2008

My family didn’t really get a computer until 1999. It had Windows 98 and it was beautiful. I’ve come quite a way in less than 10 years I think. There was another computer though from my early childhood, and when I accidentally stumbled upon this page I instantly recognized it.


That computer is older than I am! I can still remember the incessent grinding it made whenever it accessed the disk, and the silly educational games I would sometimes play on it. I wish I had some cool programmer stories about figuring out how to program on the thing, but I don’t. And to be honest, I’m pretty sure I was more into my Super Nintendo at the time.

About two years ago this guy named Paul Robertson made a 12-minute film of a video game that didn’t exist. It was Pirate Baby’s Cabana Battle Street Fight 2006 and it was good.

Now, after all these years of waiting, he’s released a trailer of sorts for a game that, quite like his previous film, does not in fact exist. It’s Kings of Power 4 Billion %. This one is a lot more ridiculous, but tons of fun in a violent seizure-inducing way.

Check out this circa 1995 Newsweek article where someone writes about how the Internet is not all that great in the tone of “crotchety old man”. He comments on how newspapers can’t be replaced so easily, and since the Internet lacks the single most important aspect of sales, the salesperson, it can’t replace that either. Pretty funny stuff really.

His mistake was not seeing what advances in technology could take care of. He complains about how the Internet is just a huge mess of unfiltered data, he just couldn’t percieve of a time where this data could be better organized. He’s right about some stuff though, anybody who sees computers as replacing teachers is being silly. Oh no 10 years from now when robots rule the Earth I will be the fodder of future websurfers who will knowingly laugh at my foolish predictions.

George vs Martha

March 9th, 2008

I never really delete anything, and I was wandering around an archive within another archive file when I found George vs Martha. It’s a reenactment of sorts that two computer programs have in the The Terminal Man. I always found it pretty funny, in a weird sort of way.

Click here to see who wins.

I honestly can’t even remember when I made this.

Updated Website

February 24th, 2008

I updated www.brokenfunction.com today. I had a good long hard look at orisinal and decided I should simplify things. It’s much lighter now and I removed all those incomplete projects which I figured belonged on here anyway.

Asus Hates Me

December 12th, 2007

Let me sum up this post for anybody who doesn’t want to hear another online rant. Don’t buy anything from Asus. Their products are garbage and their support is worse. Save yourself the trouble.

No matter how I try, it’s hard for me to think of Asus as anything but the worst company ever. Earlier this year my motherboard, an Asus P5N32-SLI Deluxe, caused my computer to freeze up for no apparent reason. After a difficult RMA process, partially due to mistakes I made, I eventually RMA’d the damn thing and got a refurbished (I hate that word) motherboard back. You can probably guess where this going, I even predicted it would happen.

The second motherboard broke down on me over a month ago, but instead of a reasonable RMA process I’m getting lied too and I still don’t have another one. Since the motherboard had the same exact problem I wasted no time and emailed them (because their online RMA department is down and has been for a while) where they promptly ignored me. I sent another email begging for an RMA number so I could send it in, only to find out the serial number I sent was wrong. I had to repeat the again, literally. After waiting 5 days, I sent in another pleading email, and suddenly got a response.

So I finally sent the damn thing in on Nov 19th and it’s STILL out there somewhere. Frustrated, I called them up and someone at the RMA department said they “just” got it, even though I paid for 3-5 day shipping weeks ago. This was a lie, as I have a delivery confirmation slip, and it arrived on Nov 26th.

So here I am again, my RMA and serial number still don’t show up on Asus’s website, and all my plans for winter break are going nowhere. It’s completely unacceptable, I’m being treated like trash and I truly need a working computer. I’m a poor college student majoring in Computer Science! I can’t do this anymore. Asus is actually hurting my grades and the quality of my life, but I have no choice, all I can do is take it.

Skater Dater

October 28th, 2007

This circa 1965 short film is just about the coolest corny thing I’ve ever seen. It’s embedded below…

American Gangster

October 18th, 2007

So American Gangster is coming out in a few weeks. I was lucky enough to score four “sneak preview” tickets. I always thought that was a misnomer since the sneak preview seemed to refer to showings the day before opening, probably at midnight, so you were hardly getting in early. This was a true film screening though, and being a poor college student and all, that’s a pretty sweet deal when the tickets are free.

The movie is not unlike Blow in that it describes the rise and fall of a man who imports illegal drugs. In this case it’s Frank Lucas (played by Denzel Washington), an extremely powerful drug lord in Harlem back in the 1970s. I liked it, although it wasn’t as good as Blow, which surprised me since I thought Blow tried too hard to make George Jung bad but likable. George Jung killed to get ahead but they didn’t show that in the Blow. Frank Lucas was portrayed mostly for what he was, and was more likable regardless. Still, Blow had something that American Gangster doesn’t, and I think it’s a plot. It just sort of meanders around his life as he supplies Heroin to New York and the effort to bring him down. Russell Crowe did a good job, but I’m too much of a sucker for Denzel to care when he’s on the screen and Denzel isn’t.

Regardless of my complaints, it’s still worth seeing. Worth every penny, but unless it’s the best I’ve ever seen, I always compare it to the best so sue me. Denzel is as good as ever if you like him as much as I do. Ridley Scott proves again he knows how to direct a movie. I’m not sure where the American (human?) attraction to crime figures comes from, but this is another pit-stop in our appreciation of our greatest criminals through movies.

There’s a restaurant called Don Pablo’s I visited for my 21st birthday because they served drinks. Huge mistake. My wallet went missing during the course of the meal. Since I spent the whole time sitting down in the inside seat of a booth it’s quite a mystery. We took apart the seats to see if it was under them but we only found bugs (eww). Some guy who worked there came by with a wallet he said he found in the men’s bathroom, but all the cash was missing. It wasn’t spare change either, it had the money I got for my birthday in it, which I hadn’t even had time to hide somewhere since I got it while eating at the restaurant. I lost $140. I’m a college student, I could’ve really used that.

Throughout this whole incident I was calm and not making a big deal about this despite the fact it was likely a Don Pablo’s employee who robbed me. The manager took my information and said she’d call me back, which she didn’t do. I called her and she said she was waiting for a call from “corporate” and that an exhaustive search found nothing. When they finally called they said weren’t responsible for what happened and wouldn’t offer so much as a gift certificate. Not that I’d want one anyway.

I’m disappointed how fluidly and efficiently Don Pablo’s allowed me to be robbed of and then do nothing to resolve it. The respect I showed Don Pablo’s despite what happened was not returned. I would’ve been justified in becoming upset and making a scene but instead I controlled myself and have nothing to show for it. I have few options left but to tell the Internet I suppose.